I was born in a great year, if I do say so myself-- 1976, the bicentennial of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Hey, don't laugh, it was an exciting time. I was born into a dysfunctional family. My parents had 4 kids in 6 years. I was the youngest at the time. They got divorced, got pregnant again and remarried when I was five and had a baby girl when I was six. They had bought a house and property about 3 hours north of where I was born and lived there for 3 years and decided to get divorced again right around the time my little brother was conceived. Shortly after, my mom decided to move back to St. George, UT to be around supportive family. My grandparents put us up in a house that they owned. In short, we were a huge charity case, but at least by then we were down to less kids. My two older sisters had gone on to college or life as the case may be, and my older brother lived with my dad so it was just me and my 6 years younger sister and my 12 years younger brother and my mom occasionally.
Fast forward a few years, and I got married and moved out had my daughter when I was 20, my son when I was 23, another son when I was 27, and my fourth and last attempt was a son whom I lost when I was 5 months along at age 31. This experience and what has transpired right before and over the last five years has inspired me to share with others the growth and knowledge and inspiration that has brought me to where I am today. I want to share with others so that I might inspire them or help them overcome similar trials in their lives. I want to give back to a world that has given me so much and taught me so much. I want to show people what having faith can accomplish in their lives.
I don't want to just skim over the part about losing my baby. It was such a dramatic place in our lives. I never like admitting this, but my husband, at the time we got pregnant with our fourth child, was in the throes of alcoholism. Every night was a battle. Whether it was just trying to avoid conflict, avoid my husband, avoid life, I never knew. I think I wanted to get pregnant to have something else to distract me. I was addicted to internet games, reading, anything that could take my mind away from reality. My kids seemed to hate each other. My daughter just hid in her room all the time, my sons tormented each other. I was on a yo-yo dieting track. I had lost some weight down to 210 from about 240. I was having health problems like crazy. I had been diagnosed with sleep apnea when I was pregnant with my daughter at age 20. I had major issues with heart burn. I had weight problems. I ended up going in to an ear nose and throat doctor and I was told that the heart burn was coming clear up into my throat and my swallowing muscles worked like an 80 year olds. He did tell me I could have surgery for the sleep apnea which would trim the pallet in my mouth and he could fix the deviated septum in my nose. He also told me that I had Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I don't remember much else of what was said about that other than it was an auto-immune disorder. I went in for the surgery and was miserable for 2 weeks. They did say that my sleep apnea was gone, but my sleep was being disrupted just as much by restless legs syndrome. I truly felt that I couldn't win for losing. Everything was working against me to make me miserable. It was truly a low point in my life. There were times I didn't want to get out of bed. It was about 2 months after my surgery, that I got pregnant. I was working full time then and I was actually having a fantastic pregnancy. I wasn't hardly sick, I wasn't gaining weight. It was great. Well, one afternoon, I was feeding some hay to the cows that I was taking care of for my uncle, when it felt like I had breathed in something into my lungs. From there, it was steadily downhill. I started coughing and it wouldn't go away. Sometimes I would cough until I puked. I was too tired to eat at night and would just fall into bed and be out like a light. I stayed home from work on Valentine's day because I had a massive splitting headache, the worst that I have ever experienced. I had a doctor's appointment already scheduled for a routine check up so I went in to that. He told me I had bronchitis and gave me an antibiotic. I went back in a few days later and it wasn't getting better. He switched antibiotics and gave me a shot of rocefin which is a really strong antibiotic. I had gone into the emergency room for a stabbing pain in my right side and they told me it was pneumonia. That was right before they gave me the rocefin. I was scheduled for an ultrasound, my first, the next day and after drinking all the liquid, and seeing my perfect baby boy, and having the nurse comment about having a bathroom close by for the moms to use after holding it in for so long, I went to the bathroom and couldn't pee. That was on Friday and Monday I still couldn't pee and had gained ten pounds. I went to the doctor and he had me set up an ultra sound of the kidneys for that Thursday. Wednesday night, I thought I was going to die. I was so miserable and twenty pounds heavier. I still couldn't pee, I couldn't breath while laying down. I had to sit up to sleep. My husband called my mom and had her take me to the ER. I was promptly admitted with renal failure (kidney failure). I was in the hospital for a week steadily gaining weight until I was around 270 pounds. I felt like I was just spinning my wheels there and nothing was changing, and it was my son's eighth birthday so I talked them into letting me go home. We ended up going to Wal-mart to get a present for him, and I was exhausted just riding the cart around the store. The next morning, a Saturday, my mom was again called in to take me to the ER. I was too exhausted to even walk to the bathroom. In the ER my blood pressure was going higher and higher and they told me I was to be life-flighted to LDS hospital in SLC, UT. I also had to get a line with 3 ports run into the artery that goes into my heart. The only problem was that I had to lay flat and I couldn't breathe that way, so they put it in without numbing me first in order to save time. I think I may have broken the nurses hand when she told me to squeeze. My mom rode with me on the airplane and was told if they had to work on me that she needed to stay out of the way. I was just praying the whole time that I would make it up there. As soon as we got in the air, I felt some of the pressure taken off of my lungs. When we landed again I was back to struggling each second for breath. It seemed like a miracle to me. Maybe it was the altitude. I don't know. I made it to the ICU at LDS hospital. I don't remember much for a couple days. Then I was awake and they were talking about keeping me there for months if need be to save the baby and I agreed. I ate breakfast. Then later was eating lunch and felt myself slipping away. Next thing I knew, I was on a ventilator with my arms strapped down and I was in and out of consciousness and was being told they were going to induce labor in order to save me. They let my kids in to see me even though it was against policy, because they didn't know if I would make it. The baby came the next morning. I thought I had to use the bathroom so the nurse went in search of a bed pan. While she was gone I couldn't hold it and pushed. My sweet angel baby was born. I thought he would be still born so I didn't really think that I had felt him move. I couldn't really hold him because I was strapped down. My brother and his wife came and was able to give my baby a name and blessing. That was incredible that he was able to do that.
A year later, we were still struggling with all the issues we had before. I was getting angry that all my trauma had been for naught. My husband was still drinking. We were still fighting. One night, my 3 year old was asleep in my arms when my husband came in all irrational and started yelling about my other son hiding the hairbrush or something. I told him that no, it wasn't our son it was him (my husband). I had seen him. He got so mad and threw the brush at me and hit my sleeping toddler. The next day, I packed us up and left to my sister's house in Paragonah, UT and left my husband a note about not being able to do this anymore and he needed to get help. I was only gone for a day and decided that my husband really was going to get help and I would support him. We went to counseling. He went to AA. We started getting a little better. It has been a steady climb upward since then. We've slipped back down a few times, but my husband had been almost 4 years sober. I found something called The Healing Codes, which is meditation, prayer, and positive thinking all rolled into one, and I was able to change the way I was handling things, which was a huge help in our marriage, and dealing with our kids. Just this past summer, I was led to Red River Health and Wellness where I have been on an anti-inflammatory diet since June and I have been finding out all kinds of foods that are causing inflammation throughout my body which has been contributing to my disease, and possibly causing more auto-immune diseases to start. I have lost about 45 pounds and I am finally feeling energetic again and having a lot less aches and pains. I want to share more of my journey with every blog post. I hope you all find it helpful and inspiring.
